Tag Archives: sex

A fresh batch of Japanese sex-vocabulary: 下ネタなんでだろう(歌)

If you’re looking for Japanese that you’re not going to find in any textbook, then sex-slang is certainly at the top of your list. While books like Dirty Japanese might have something useful, I’ve mentioned before that books like that tend to have a bunch of terms that are old or outdated, but are left in simply to enhance the book to a reasonable size for publishing—the author has no real incentive to keep the book updated with current content while cutting outdated or stranger words. So if you missed out on AJATT’s Moe Sentence Pack (apparently full of dirty vocabulary), then I suspect this post (and the longer videos linked below) should be more than satisfactory for your “learning” needs.

After all, it’s either use this, or just open up one of the educational videos you recently downloaded in that that 12 gb folder you having laying around your computer. You know, the one titled “Puppies and Kitties (MOM, DO NOT OPEN),” I know it’s there somewhere.


So luckily, I came across a new language-learning website (new for me at least) called RhinoSpike. The premise is pretty simple—you have pieces of text in a language you’re learning, and you want the audio of a native speaker saying your text out loud. Alternatively, you have some audio in the language you’re learning, and you need a transcription of it. Both are possible to get at RhinoSpike (although audio recordings are much more popular) as long as you record or transcribe another user’s request in return.

The premise is interesting, and custom audio made out of text of your choosing—perfect for your shadowing practice (you have been shadowing daily, right??)—is quite neat. I would just warn potential users not to get too into using the site. An audio file of a lengthy text or transcription of a long video is enough to keep anyone at a high-intermediate level or below occupied for quite a while. And by “get too into,” I mean get obsessed with recording for other users without practicing on your own. I know, for example, I’ve wasted many an hour correcting the English of various users on Lang-8 without actually working on a post in Japanese myself!

That said, the point of this post today is to share an absolute gem I found in the transcriptions section of RhinoSpike. I present to you 下ネタなんでだろう (Literally: Dirty Joke, I wonder why? although I might consider translating in context as simply Why does this (shit) happen? — you’ll see when we get to the translation) , a song by みうらじゅん (Miura Jun), a manga artist who has also branched out into doing other things as well, such as songs.

The song here is one of the dirtiest and funniest things I’ve seen in Japanese (although like most Japanese comedy, puns still continue to make up a bulk of the humor), and thanks to the wonderful transcriptions by smokedoyster and tomoch of RhinoSpike, it’s now much easier to understand and translate into English!


Why does this shit happen?


Why do you say “no” when your pussy is so wet?




Why do girls at brothels get lonely when they lubricate themselves?


Why are the razors at Love Hotels such bad quality?


Why does your penis get itchy when you’re about to do it?


Why is there so much porn at the bottom of Shinto shrines?


When doing it from behind, why do you think of someone else?


Why do you get addicted to doing it in the g-spot?


Why does she only say “delicious” when giving you a blow job?


Why does it smell like piss when she’s blowing you?


Why does she let you go down on her even when she’s a virgin?


Why doesn’t she want to kiss you after you cum in her mouth?


When you can’t get hard why do you cum anyway?


When you get a boner in the middle of class, why does your desk get lifted up?


Why do girls stop removing their panties after they reach their thighs?


Why does she always say “It’s fine to leave” when you’re leaving?


Why do some people ask “was it good?” after sex?


Why do your lips get swollen after going down on a girl for too long?


Why is that whenever there’s a hole you want to fuck it?


Why is that when she says she’s on her period you suddenly realize what you’re doing?


Why do some guys say “I’m not looking” in order to watch a girl jack off? (probably wrong on this)


Why do some guys compare their penis size when they see a Pine Mushroom (a very penis-y looking mushroom)


Why does this happen? Why does this happen? Why does this dirty shit happen?

The rest of the transcription can be found on the RhinoSpike site, although I don’t think I’m up for translating much more of it at the moment. I admit that the translation thus far has been a bit of a learning experience for me, but doing this in a public library has made me somewhat nervous about continuing (especially when I need to rely on Google Images in order to figure out what some of the sex slang is actually referring to…).

At any rate, I’m certainly taking the AJAAT credo of “Any Japanese is Good Japanese” to its absolute limit by trying to understand this…song. The song sounds a lot funnier in Japanese than it does in English (although that could be the result of my clunky translations that are likely inaccurate or plain wrong), and for those who just can’t get enough, NicoNico video has two additional videos of the same material, clocking in at 14 minutes and 23 minutes respectively. Even the Japanese commenters on NicoNico video make plenty of comments while watching the full-length videos, including ones like “way too long” and “I can’t believe there is still 20 minutes left on this video.”

However, I think I’ll leave it to you to see if you can make it through an additional 30 some minutes of what you’ve just seen above.


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Dating Japanese Women: 5 Mistakes most guys make

Note: Satire.

There are a lot of guides and information available on how to pick up Japanese women, such as through ナンパ (nanpa) or 合コン (gokon), but today we focus on how not to pick up Japanese women. In other words, what pitfalls should we avoid while trying to woo the Japanese ladies?

Luckily for us, Lovesick Japan, which I continue to happily read, offers a good case example from which we can draw common mistakes. Let us carefully read through and take note of what went wrong. To begin:

The defendant broke into a twenty-seven-year-old woman’s apartment at 1:30 in the morning.

Mistake 1: Meeting for the first time in an improper place

Although it is admirable that the defendant tried a direct approach to meeting his future mate, we see here the common pitfall of being too direct. One’s home is typically considered a private place, and therefore women will be less open to being approached by strangers while at home compared to say a club or dating-centered social gathering—where they expect to be approached. Instead, the defendant should have considered a more public area to approach the women and exercised his day game, perhaps by meeting her in a public park or at a Starbucks.

Furthermore, 1:30 in the morning is often a time when people are asleep; perhaps when the woman was eating lunch—such as in the early or mid-afternoon—would have been a better time for a meeting.

Let us continue:

He put her hand his hand over her mouth and pinned her down. He told her to be quiet and began touching her breasts as he tried to remove her clothes. She resisted strongly, flailing her arms and legs. He continued to threaten her, and she saw no escape.

Mistake 2: Moving too quickly

Japanese women like to know if a potential boyfriend or husband will be able to take care of them—as society in Japan is still very much patriarchal—and as a result, moving a bit slower compared to western women may be necessary as a general rule of thumb.

Here we see that the defendant moved much too quickly, by initiating kino (touching) almost immediately in sensitive areas such as the mouth and breasts. Putting aside the fact the defendant should have talked to the woman before meeting her, he should have also moved slower with regards to touch, such as starting with casual touches on the arms on back, and moving on from there. In other words, the man’s physical progression skills were rather weak.


The defendant told the victim, “Take off your clothes” and attempted to pull them off. The victim thought that she should do everything possible to avoid rape and that he would leave her alone if she could satisfy his sexual hunger by causing him to ejaculate. She removed her pajama top only, keeping her t-shirt on. She then manually stimulated the defendant’s penis and performed oral sex on him.

Mistake 3: Failing to establish comfort before moving to seduction

By comfort, I mean actually getting to know the person you are trying to get with. This includes things such as her job, her hobbies, or her name. The comfort phase, as it is called, should not last long, but should allow the man and woman to get to know each other in some respect, perhaps with flirty teasing mixed in.

Instead, the only things the man appears to have said to the woman are “be quiet” and “take off your clothes,” both of which are not particularly revealing about oneself, nor are they especially flirtatious. Furthermore, by using them the man fails to demonstrate higher value, or qualities about himself that a woman might actually find attractive.

After performing oral sex:

The defendant became tired, lost his erection without ejaculating, and he lay on the fouton next to the victim. he talked about himself to the victim, and in order to prevent him from harming her, she pretended to empathize with him and talked to and listened to him. During that time, the defendant touched the victim’s nipple through her t-shirt and said things like “I’m really into making nipples erect.”

Mistake 4: Talking too much

Here we have a classic example of the guy going on and on about himself, not giving the girl any chance to respond or feel like she’s part of a conversation. Men have a tendency to talk too much, and to make things worse, after going on and on about all his problems to the victim, the defendant moved right back into demanding sex.

Although “being a good listener” is perhaps somewhat corny advice to give males who want to pick up Japanese women, the man should try to show interest in the woman he is trying to pick up too! After all, attraction should be a two-way street. The defendant’s failure to qualify the victim, or listen to and find out about her interests and problems, clearly indicates a mistake on his part.

And finally we come to the end of the encounter:

The victim wanted to do anything she could to get the defendant to leave. She said, “If you see it, will you go home?” He agreed, and she once again removed her shorts and put her genitals in his face. The defendant licked her genitals and looked at them using the light of his cell phone. After that, the defendant received the victim’s cell phone number and left around 4:30 in the morning.

Three hours had passed. A few days later, he called to ask her out on a date to see a fireworks show. She agreed, he kept the date, and police arrested him.

Mistake 5: Getting a girl’s phone number at the end of a date

Getting a girl’s phone number at the end of the date generally indicates weakness or lack of self-confidence, similar to how making kissing at the end of a date is also a weak move. Instead, the defendant should have successfully time bridged, or casually mentioned interesting things he has going on in his life, and then asked for the number. After which he should casually continued the conversation as if getting the number were just one mere part of the interaction, rather than its goal.

By failing to establish proper emotional progression, the defendant failed to portray himself in the most positive light possible, and therefore failed to come up with a second date.

I hope these quick tips help you the next time you decide to try to pick up women in Japan. In fact, I’ll even throw in one more bonus tip!

Mistake 6: Breaking into a girl’s home and raping her does not generally lead to a second date.

This should be self-explanatory. Unfortunately, the defendant did not seem to know this—perhaps he should have read this guide first!


Filed under dating, Japan, relationships

Japan Dating Statistic II: Sex Life

Part 1: Japanese Dating Statistic I

When I talk about yellow fever, I’m sure most people know I’m not talking about mosquitoes. And for those with a special attraction to Asian women, Japan certainly seems like a mecca of awesome. Not only is its population homogenous and therefore sufficiently Asian-girl-filled (98.4% Japanese), but Japanese women tend to be perceived as petite, demure, and having higher-than-normal voices. Even Wikipedia has an article on cuteness in Japan, placing Japan in a category of it’s own when it comes to those 可愛い少女.

So many love hotels...but so little time?

Not only that, but Japan is also one of the world’s biggest pornography producers, coming in third place behind South Korea and China in terms of revenue. I’m not sure if those statistics include animated pornography, which Japan seems to have monopolized in terms of production (although I could find no hard statistics about this specifically).

HOWEVER, as I continue to read through Lovesick Japan, I came across some interesting numbers:

In a 2005 survey…Japan ranked dead last—forty-first out of forty-one countries—in frequency of sex, with a self-reported frequency of 45 times per year (up from 36 times per year in 2001). The second lowest country, Singapore, was far ahead (73 times per year), and the global average was 103. (source)


The first sexual experience for more than half of men over 30 is a prostitute. (source)

Ouch, Japan!  I’m trying to think of a unique reason for why Japan ranks so low compared to all other countries, but I can only come up with a bundle of reasons that don’t seem to be adequate reasons:

  • Japanese students spend most of their time studying for entrance exams and don’t become interested in sex until later and not as often.
  • As adults, Japanese people work very long hours, so the time in the day to have sex simply does not exist. And when wives or husbands come home, they’re too tired to have sex.
  • “It’s too bothersome” — this is actually one of the most common reasons given by couples for why they don’t have sex, although it doesn’t explain anything.
  • Japanese people, wanting to avoid confrontation, simply put up with not having sex rather than directly talking to their partner about the problem.

I’ve been able to find a lot of articles describing sexual activity patterns in Japan and how this affects day-to-day, but little on any strong reason why any of this is actually taking place. Perhaps it’s just a combination of all these things that can be found in Japan but not elsewhere that is causing the problem.

Perhaps it’s because Japan has a rather masturbation rate—after all, it has all that porn to go around—with 38% percent of Japanese masturbating weekly (source — but couldn’t find original cited article), compared to 28% in the US (source). Of course, this 10% difference doesn’t seem significantly higher, so again it seems like an insufficient reason.

It’s likely being caused by all of the reasons I’ve listed and more, since I doubt it’s a singular issue that’s causing the problem. It’s more a problem of culture that seems to be the issue, which is derived from a bundle of hard-to-distinguish factors, rather than one significant reason.

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Filed under dating, Japan, relationships